On the fourth, as some of you may know, I went to NYC for the first time (in fact, it was the first time I travelled to America, not counting being a kid with my parents). While I was gone, my country’s government shut down, my province put a strong Liberal majority into power, and my riding elected a Iranian-Canadian socialist feminist sovereigntist (who, incidentally, I was going to vote for). But, instead I escaped my currently insane life for a little while, and hopped a 10-hour bus to the Port Authority with my buddy Kelvin.

One of the side effects of this was that my phone, which was roaming, wouldn’t let me use data. This is because I told it not to let me, because roaming data charges are probably the worst. This meant no Internet and no Twitter from about noon on Thursday until midnight on Monday. I won’t go so far as to say I went through withdrawal, but getting back to Montreal and a computer was almost overwhelming, like seeing a feast after days of fasting. It was almost too much for me; people asking me how my weekend was, me trying to explain myself, all of the inspirations and frustrations and pontifications of the weekend swirling around in my mind… I had to walk away and think about something else. I decided I needed to write a blog entry about it, and just tell people who care to read that.

However, since it’d be boring to read aobut my vacation, I thought I’d throw a wrench into it: write an entire blog entry as if it were a series of twitter posts.

So, Kelvin and I, intent on documenting the weekend, sat down for a while and wrote down every tidbit of note we could remember. I filled up about 5 or 6 pages of tiny, scrawling print in my Moleskine. Now, let’s see how transcribing this pans out. Included is a bit of Wednesday.

Note: “Dep” is short for “depanneur” which is the word in Montreal for corner stores. For example:”Do you know where there’s a dep around here?” “Can you grab me some Blue from the dep?” I find it very difficult NOT to use this word anymore since I probably say it daily. At first I thought I’d make myself not write it here, but I give up. So, ifyou see “dep” don’t get confused.

WEDNESDAY: The day before I left

1. It’s 4am. Kelvin finally got to MTL. We are on a bus at 7:45am. Time to try and sleep.
2. Kelvin saw a place on his way here called “La Caleche Du Sexe.” What is a CALECHE?

THURSDAY: The day I left

3. It’s 7am. I have never felt worse after sleeping in my LIFE.
4. We made our bus. Kelvin ate a muffin, I ate nothing. Feel too awful for food.
5. On our way to the border! Bye Canada!
6. We hit customs. Seems like it’s going quickly.
7. There’s a sleazy loking dude in front of us. Kelvin: “I bet he gets turned away at the border!”
8. Border guard: why are you going to NYC? me: music festival? her: what kinds of music? me: electronic. her: BYE (seriously this happened)
9. Holy shit, KELVIN CALLED IT! Moustache dude didn’t make it through!!! HAHAHA HE LOOKS SO SAD AS HE GETS IN THE BORDER PATROL VAN
10. Peace out border! Glad you didnb’t find my bombs, tobacco, drugs and alcohol!
11. Shitty naps. Almost worse than being awake.
12. Ok, starving. Stopping in Albany. Hopefully there’s somewhere to get a bite within walking distance.
13. American McDonalds! Oh shit! There are SO MANY AMERICAN FLAGS at McDonalds.
14. Things I want to consume in America: NY pizza, NY bagels, US cigs, Sierra Nevada ale, Rolling Rock lager.
15. Actually there are SO MANY AMERICAN FLAGS EVERYWHERE THIS IS MESSED UP GUYS. EVERYTHING HAS A FLAG ON IT.
16. The McDonalds cheeseburgers in America are, like, HEAVIER. Than in Canada, I mean. I bought 3, I ate 2 and gave up.
17. Back on the bus.
18. Buses in USA are different than in Canada… in Canada it’s old people and kids. Here it’s poor people.
19. There was a store called JRECK that we passed. Kelvin thinks it’s the best name ever.
20. I think there are no Canadians left, or at least near us. Time to speak in French.
21. Our new fave swear word is “caleche” even though we don’t know what it means. It’s raunchy. And comes before “du sexe.”
22. Why does Jersey smell kinda like vinegar? like, specifically vinegar.
23. Is that NYC? Holy shit it is. Try not to be cliche/overwhelmed/NIKO! WELCOME TO AMERICA!/etc
24. PORT AUTHORITY! We are going to walk from midtown to Chelsea.
25. The first dude we see on the NY street has a WICKED MUSTACHE. AWESOME.
26. Listening to other people’s conversations as they walk back: “This city sucks.” Haha.
27. What the fuck? My Canadian bank is in NYC?! And REGIS AND KELLY advertise for it?! Let’s take out money!
28. TD Bank, aka TORONTO DOMINION, can’t help Kelvin. His card FROM CANADA won’t take out money.
29. HE called his bank in Canada and it’s sorted. Still. WTF, US TD? Help Canadian TD people more!
30. In the hostel. Taking a bit of a break, then exploring.
31. There’s a bar on 8th or 7th, I think, not far from 20th. Kinda divey. 1.50 pints of PBR happy hour. Stopping to drink.
32. Texting Cara and Zen Albatross for tips. Cara sending us to LES. Zen sending us to St. Mark’s.
33. We took a Subway to around Soho/Little Italy and started walking. We should hit the right neighborhood, right?
34. Eat break! Kelvin and I each have a shitty slice of pizza (very not-NY-style, btw) and he has a YUMMY rice ball.
35. Wrong! We walked all the way form Little Italy to Greenwich.
36. Getting a cab from Greenwich to LES again. $7 bucks. There are TVs in the back that don’t shut up! Argh!
37. Two bars: Thirsty Scholar and Ryan’s Pub. Starting @ Ryan’s for $4 Heini tallboys.
38. Whoa. Montreal Canadiens playing New York Rangers on the TV at Ryan’s! Should I cheer for the “badguys”?
39. Had a couple, checking out Thirsty Scholar (Zen’s rec)
41. There are three girls talking in French beside us. I NEVER SEE FRENCH GIRLS WAAAAOOO
42. HAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAH OH MAN
43. Ok, there’s this Asian guy who just leaned over to the French girls and said “I see you’re rockin’ some German!”
44. He got shut down MERCILESSLY. SO FUNNY.
45. I just offered Kelvin a beer to ask the French girls what “caleche” means because we keep saying it when we speak French.
46. …apparently it means carriage. Like a fancy horse-drawn carriage. Lame.
47. Oh man. That guy thought he was SO smooth but DAMN that was funny to watch.
48. We got some American cigarettes. Lucky Strikes unfiltered. Tastes much better than any of the crap you can get in Canada.
49. Ok, let’s go sleep. So tired.
50. Actually, hungry. What’s open? Some corner store thing. With EXPENSIVE CHICKEN WRAPS ARGH
51. Okay, those cost 6.50 each, but DAMN, they’re HEAVY and YUMMY.
52. Good night!

FRIDAY: The first full day

53. Up way earlier than anyone else will be. Planning to hit museums today, then Blip.
54. Dehydrated. Go out, get some grapefruit juice and a random bagel from a random deli.
55. To be fair, that was a nobody bagel, and I’m comparing it to MTL’s best, but DAMN, MTL bagels are SO MUCH BETTER.
56. I go to American Apparel. I need a new headband lost my red one) and wallet (mine is falling apart).
57. Girl working at American Apparel looks like (and may very well be) one of those AA models. NYC, right?
58. Not heading to the Brooklyn museum for a while… gonna wander around Chelsea.
59. There’s a Cindy Sherman exhibit, apparently.
60. This area is crazy. Very converted-loft-space-y, kinda dirty industrial shit.
61. At the Cindy Sherman exhibit. She makes me scared of old people. And makeup.
62. Alright, let’s head out to the Brooklyn museum! Meeting up w/ Tiff and Josh (Zen) and maybe more people.
63. We kinda got lost on the subway. Finally got kinda where we wanted to be. Brooklyn shuttle GOOOOO!
64. We are way earlier than everyone else. Wandering around the neighborhood.
65. I love this place. So much more than any of Manhattan so far.
66. Got a giant coffee for $1.50 from some dep. IT IS ROCKET FUEL. I AM NOW WIRED.
67. Awesome things being seen everywhere we look. Wish I had not left my camera in the hostel.
68. A bridge over tracks with trees with dozens of pairs of shoes hanging off, right beside the police dept.
69. A school with a “FALLOUT SHELTER” sign on it.
70. Two little kids jumping off of a box on the sidewalk, trying to get more air-spins than each other.
71. Painting of what I think is the Challenger crew on the side of some fence.
72. Waiting at Brooklyn museum for Tiff and Josh @ the museum. Kelvin is gonna go get food. Gonna wait here in case they arrive.
73. Met Tiff! Yay! Chatted a bit, she went to get coffee. I wait incase Kelvin returns, or Josh shows.
74. Josh shows up! Why do other people keep disappearing then new people show up!
75. Everyone’s back, and Kelvin got a GIANT thing of General Tao’s chicken and rice for $5. GIANT. I’d eat, but I’ve been really non-hungry.
76. Why have I been un-hungry? Well, because it’s Friday, and I haven’t, err, have a BM since Wednesday. Traveler’s tummy. Ugh. Feel kinda awful, actually.
77. Seems like the exhibit I wanted to see isn’t here. Aww. Checking out the other stuff.
78. Since we’re not going to the real Statue of Liberty, Tiff got a photo of Kel & I with the fake one outside. Classic.
79. I am an idiot. I didn’t flip it over. The thing I wanted to see is upstairs. Fourth floor. Now we have like 30 mins to check out the entire exhibit.
80. If you get a chance, see the feminist art exhibit at Brooklyn M. It’s fantastic. Seeing a Kiki Smith piece in real life… Jesus. Wow.
81. Ok, time to sort out the evening. Tiff’s leaving, Josh and Kel and I going to St. Marks to meet up with a load of Dtoiders.
82. CONFUSION CONFUSION
83. Some guy tries to give Kelvin his CD on the street. “DJ THE SPIRIT.” Kelvin says “you should have a CD player so I can hear it”
84. Guy replied: “let me finish before you cut me off.” kelvin: “you’ve just been cut off,” shoves cd in face, leaves. Kelvin hates rude people.
85. Still waiting for the other Dtoid kids. Eating $1 pizza at “2 Bros” at St. Marks. Still not hungry. Pizza’s bad, but cheap.
86. Oh, they’re all standing across the street! Meeting Dtoid kids whaaaaaaaaaaat!
87. Drinking! Chatting! Overwhelming! FUN!
88. The best thing about Phist is that every time I make a joke, he laughs like it’s the best joke ever. I love this guy.
89. Okay, not all of us are going to Blip tonight. Those who are leave NOWWWW!
90. Subways seem to take AGES here, unlike MTL where they are QUICK QUICK QUICK! To be fair, Brooklyn’s FAR AWAY.
91. Off the subway. Lost.
92. Junkyard dogs are barking. Awesome. This place looks insane. Too bad everyone else (Cataract, AnonymousNoob, Josh) is getting stressed.
93. We seriously wandered for AN HOUR before we found this place. There was a 4th ST, 4th AVE, and 4th PL. WTF! Plus it went from 6th to 9th!
94. Get there late. Role Model is on. Then Glomag is on. They’re ok I suppose. Not mindblown yet.
95. Bit Shifter on. Good fun, but kinda simple! Starting to get worried that my face won’t melt off.
96. NEVER MIND, MINUSBABY WERE AWESOME
97. After crying over the relative expensiveness of American beer vs. alcohol %, we find Dale’s Pale Ale: 6.5% at $4, not TOO bad.
98. Checked my coat, thought the night was over. WAS WRONG. Meneo is up.
99. THEY. RULE. totally awesome. Finally this headband is on me for a reason.
100. Outside with all of the kids after the show. Some noisy brooklyn guy is screaming at us.
101. Are you from Quebec? Wanna impress American geeks? Show them a pack of PETER JACKSON cigarettes. They exist in QC!
102. He wants me to, quote, “RIC FLAIR POWERSLAP” him in the chest.
103. Kelvin keeps pushing this guy’s buttons. HILARIOUS.
104. Fatty wants us to come with him to “Lucky 13s,” a METAL BAR WITH A METAL DJ.
105. “…your mother.” “My mother’s dead!” “yeah, now that I’m done with her.” OH KELVIN WHY YOU GOTTA BE SO CRAZY
106. Guy attacks Kelvin twice! Never throws a punch though, mostly paws at his mouth drunkly. Hahaha. We better not get deported.
107. Some garbge trucks went by and everyone started cheerly wildly. What a weird city.
108. Ok, heading to Josh’s where we will crash tonight, in Bed-Stuy.
109. Some kid named Al is following us, nobody knows him but I guess he’s also crashing @ Josh’s?
110. Waiting for the G train, looknig at the statue of liberty in the distance, getting really really randomly emotional. seems more poignant seeing it like this than up close. Dwelling on how ephemeral this whole trip is.
111. Jonathan/Anon.Noob just got on the F train. We thought he was coming with us on the G. He had this look on is face like he was on the wrong train. We LOLed so much but were worried for him!
112. I didn’t really get to see Bed-Stuy, because I was passing out tired.
113. Kelvin apparently got a $2 chicken burger. I’m still not hungry, STILL haven’t seen the bathroom since WEDNESDAY. OMG.
114. Pass out. It’s cold in here, and there’s a dog barking outside. Not the best sleep ever.

ANOTHER TIME: I’ll tell you all about Sautday, Sunday, and Monday in the same way. Mostly because this is getting stupidly long.